August 17, 2010

Tomorrow's the day

Tomorrow's the day I've been secretly and not so secretly dreading for a while.  We take my oldest daughter to college for the first time.  I'm sure she's going to be fine and we're blessed to have lots of other students from our church and town attending the same college.   We also have folks from the area who've settled near the college after graduation and some are working on campus. 
I'm going to cry...there's just no getting around it.  I love her so much that right now, I can't bear the thoughts of taking her 6+ hours away and leaving her there!  What if she needs me?!  Needs a hug?  I know I've raised her well and she needs to take this step and it's time for me to let go...a she starts this new adventure as an adult...yeah, I know all those things but I don't really want to hear logic at the moment.  I'm not ready...are mothers ever ready?  One of my dear friends told me that it's ok to cry.  As a mom, who's raised and homeschooled for the past 8 years, there's no way I'm going to be able to hold it together.  But, I'll be fine and she'll be fine.  I'm sure we'll both have our moments and I don't mean to leave out my youngest daughter and husband.  They will miss her terribly too.  But since this is my blog, I'm just thinking/writing about myself!  How very selfish of me! 
There are two ways to look at it.  She's going off to a new, exciting world with new people to meet and experiences to be had...bittersweet, but a wonderful opportunity.  I'm glad she won't be all alone.  That sounds silly...being alone in the middle of a campus with 11,000 students!  But if you don't make connections right away, I'm sure you could feel very alone.  At least there are folks from home that could help if she lets them know she needs something or just wants a taste of home.  One of the gals from here and her boyfriend will be attending college together.  He graduated last year but has been studying online until she was ready to go to college.  It's sweet; they have a great relationship and are planning their college and life together.  I'm sure it will be a comfort to her to have him there.
Anyway, focus...the other way to look at it is that we'll be staying here at home with all things familiar and secure, with established friends and relationships.  And we have each other.  I'll be homeschooling my youngest for 4 more years, Lord willing and it will be a chance for us to spend one on one time together. 
But, it's just a bittersweet time all around to go through these changes.  I've had a couple meltdowns so far and I expect I'll have more but you know what?  It's ok.  My kids have been my life for 19 years and I'd be a real piece of work if I didn't miss having things the way they've been.  But we've had lots of good times together.  And of course there are things I regret not doing with her.  That song from Mama Mia could be my theme song!  There are lots of memories and fun and learning that we've done together.  Things we started but didn't complete, plans that haven't come to pass...yet.  It's not the end, it's a new beginning!
So, yeah, I keep telling myself that and I know once all of us settle into our new reality, it's going to be good.  We'll be able to skype with her and talk via cellphone and facebook.  There will be road trips for plays and breaks and maybe some in between. 
Truth be told in some ways I really do envy a good way.  What an exciting time for her.  It's an opportunity I didn't have as a teen/young adult.  I attended college here.  Fun but not the same.  And there are so many things going on all the time that you couldn't possibly be without choices.  Christian concerts, ice skating, athletic events, convocation, and of course, her major is in theater so she'll be busy with all that, too.  Auditions for the fall semester are this weekend.  I'm praying that she'll do well and get a part in one of plays planned for the fall season.  For a shy, little girl, she has a lot to bring to the theater.  I can't wait to see her in a play on that big stage!
Well, we still have last minute things to pick up and final packing to do so I should get busy.  We could all use some prayers this week and in the weeks to come.  I'm asking for safety, good health, ease getting settled into classes, dorm, diet, friendships and whatever else she needs.  Safe travel and I don't even know how to pray for the rest but He knows what I/we/she needs so I guess I'll just leave it there.
Gotta remember to pack the tissues!!!!

2 thoughts about my meanderings:

Missy said...

Tissues?? I started on the sheets!!! I love you and what a wonderful experience you and Tom have prepared her for.

wanderer said...

I have to give all the credit to the Lord and say that in spite of me, she has become a godly, loving, caring person who has much to offer to those around her.

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