August 3, 2010

Quiet of the night

It's 3:15 AM as I start to write.  Seems like I've had more than my share of words for the past 24 hours but most needed to be written because my family thought I was especially quiet last evening.  I guess when that happens it stands out in deep contrast to the norm. 
It's so quiet!  Everything seems so still and peaceful.  Except my mind which is abuzz with one thought after another.  Why this?  Why that?  What were they thinking?  What can I do?  It's like chaos in here and I don't know how to shut it off.  It's amazing to think about the clarity of thoughts in the still of the night.  I know that God is in control and that despite me or anyone else, He can do what ever He wants and has had things planned since before time was set in motion.  He doesn't need me to accomplish His plan but He loves me and wants me to be a part of it.  If I could just calm down all these thoughts that are running wild.  Pondering but no meandering going on right now.  Not to say that there's any sense or form to what's in here; just one fast, worried thought after another like bumper cars in a small arena. Speeding toward another car and then swerving quickly to face another, bouncing off with a jerking force that makes me fly forward and then back again.  Seemingly unrelated but each one clear and important.  My body is tired but my mind is NOT!  Praying for reason to find this battlefield and calm things down enough to call some peacetalks.  Yes, that might help...peacetalks.  Okay, everyone, listen up! 
Yeah, like they're going to listen to me.  Now that would be something to think about!  Two cents, ten cents, even fifteen cents will never add up if you don't hang on to it.  Invested in the future it might make a difference. 
I'm so tired...guess I'll try to sleep again.  My insides are rumbling but I'm not hungry...I think it's all this crazy hodgepodge of thoughts and unrest.  You know what?  Sometimes you just have to plant the seed and allow God to do the rest.  I might not see the results for whatever reason but maybe planting the seed is all I can do.  I like to see things grow.  But maybe my seed will not grow.  Maybe it will fall on the rocks of stubborn pride and be forgotten. lets add sadness to the mix and the chaos becomes so much louder.  All these thoughts couldn't be put  into words if I tried so I guess I'll give it up for now.  Let the peacetalks begin  but I'm not going to be the mediator right now.  I'm too tired.

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