August 2, 2010

Bear with me....

The reason I started writing the last post was to clarify a few thoughts from the first one.  But I missed one point that I feel is important.  So, to belabor this subject just a little more, bear with me as I write some explanations about my whole spin on this.
If I ask questions but can't get a clear answer, I am guilty of again jumping to conclusions based on less than the whole story because I can't stop myself from forming some sort of conclusion when I'm looking for answers.  Sometimes people don't know the answer or can't put in into words.  Sometimes they might feel that it's really none of my business but I think I've already been clear on that point!!!  Maybe they don't want to talk about it and that's ok.  Just say so rather than try to come up with some lame answer that doesn't even come close to what you're all about.  Honesty really is the best policy.  And sometimes they are afraid to answer because they might be judged by what they say.  When I ask questions, it's not with the intention to judge the person...maybe in some way their ideas...but not the person.  I can agree to disagree...sometimes.  I just want the truth. That's how I get to know people and make connections with them that are built on who they really are with a depth that will last a lifetime.  It goes way beyond exchanging pleasantries, at least for me.  Their vulnerabilities are what make them easier for me to relate to.  And after all, if you have no vulnerabilities or problems what need would you have for someone like me who's looking to mother/suffocate/befriend?  Besides, I have lots of things that I'd like to talk about and it's much easier to share them with someone who can relate.  But I can't share my thoughts or problems with someone who keeps their character under wraps and only allows folks to see their facade from the perfection of an impression they've created for themselves.  I need people to be real.  Maybe that's what all this comes down to.  I want to know the real you whether your family or friend.  I don't want to live a lie.  It makes me feel betrayed.
Well, thankfully, I think that's all I have to say about conclusions; jumped to or drawn from facts and "personal research" so once again I'll say that my intentions are good and come from a loving heart because if I didn't care, I wouldn't ask.

2 thoughts about my meanderings:

alinehuey said...

I have a friend who always had a wall up that I could not get past and I knew her for 20 years. Then one night her son had a terrible car accident, he lived but the stress of his recovery was very hard on her. I called her on the phone to chat with her one Saterday morning and she was crying. I went to her house imediatly to talk to her. It was weird but that day the wall came down. I do think it had something to do with vulnerability. We are still friends, 30 years now. Her son is wonderfully well and able to live on his own but changed.

wanderer said...

You must have been there when she needed you most. Those longlasting friendships are so wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

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