September 10, 2010


It's early...I've been awake for a while just pondering.  The problem is that I've no way of settling any of the many wandering thoughts that are ruminating in this silly head of mine.  When I look at something from one side I can see why it's a good thing and then when I look at it from the other side, I can just as easily see why it's not.  Of course, I want to see the good side but not so much the other one.  Sometimes there are things that I pray about or that feel like they were just dropped on my heart and I think, "Oh, God wants me to pay attention to this."  So I pray and wonder what the reason was or how I can help besides prayer.  Then there are things that occur and I ask about them and it seems to me like He's answering me and telling me, "Here's what's happening.  I've done all these things and used these people to get to this point and now it's your turn to play a part."  So I go along trying my best to nudge and encourage and admonish and PUSH to "help" things move in the direction indicated.  Certainly not because I think God needs my help but maybe because I think through experience and years, I might be able to see things they can't see.  But mostly I feel like I've been given an opportunity to serve Him and serve others, it's a blessing to me.  I've noticed that some of the help I try to give is met with resistance and sometimes even accepted superficially and then discarded.  So, if I'm supposed to help but the people I think I'm helping don't really want my help, how am I going to do that?  I guess my question now is, "OK, I thought you were telling me that this was the plan and you wanted me involved, but I'm a little confused about how.  What is it that you want me to do?" 
So, yeah...I think there's a fine line here between helping and meddling.  It's a fact that I've been on both sides of that fence.  It's just so frustrating to watch as people do things that will mess up the whole lovely scenario because they don't see what's in front of them.  Ah, well...I guess I should let go but I can't help but wonder why God brought this to my attention with what appeared to be a direction, but now....well, I just don't know.  Maybe I've lost my focus on what's important, or maybe the folks that I'm trying to help don't know anymore.  Or more than likely, it's like everything else, we're given opportunities or chances, doors are opened to things God has planned for us...but ultimately, it's our choice to enter in or pass by.  That makes sense because the biggest decision people have to make is offered but not demanded; they can choose to walk away.   So, that leaves me with another "Why?" question.  Plus a few more.  But, until I feel like God is taking this out of my daily thoughts and prayers, I'm just going to keep pondering and wondering what the part is that He wants me to play. What else can I do?

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