September 6, 2010


Sometimes, in this crazy life I live, things happen that I can't wrap my head around.  Or things that I really, truly believed were meant to be that just fizzled to nothing.  Or never really, really happened in the first place.  When that happens, I feel like such a fool.  Like I've been the biggest, most gullible, naive, silly person alive.  Maybe that's the hopeless romantic in me.  The one who wishes on stars just because it sounds so magical...not because I think it will come true because of the star...just for fun.  Or stands in the yard when the wind blows with my arms spread like wings, hoping that it might carry me away.  Or lies on the grass looking up at the stars and wondering if they really are like people.  Or stands on the breastworks of the dam at dusk as clouds of bats skim past me...I'm scared silly but do it anyway because my girls are more brave than I.  Maybe the one who imagines she sees personalities in nature...faces on trees or fairies in flowers, dwarves or goblins in the woods, shadows fleetingly resembling my favorite cat slipping around the corner.  Or maybe the one who breaks out in song or dance like no one's watching.   Or sees something magical about the way things happen that no one else sees.  And mostly the one who writes in sentence fragments hoping to convey a complete thought as a continuation of the ongoing theme! I write the way I talk! 
And, I'm the one who imagines and dreams things that are full of the essence of a fairytale.  And not the Grimm Bros. variety although sometimes that is more realistic.
The best part about all this is that no one can take my dreams away.  They are safe in my heart where I may keep them hidden but alive.  Who knows what can happen if you're young at heart?  Maybe fairytales can come true.

Accepting reality is not always easy.  Especially if you can't understand it.  You know, all the "Whys?"  The unanswered questions that eat at your subconscious, sapping your attention and time as you try to figure out just exactly what happened and why.  Always lurking just beyond your every thought seeking to find an answer.  Accepting that you may never know the answers to those questions might be even harder.  So, I simply refuse to believe it!

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