October 1, 2010

If I'm so tired, why can't I sleep?

I don't understand how I can be so very tired and yet so wide awake.  Makes no sense whatsoever.  I'm exhausted when I go to bed but here I am about 4 hours later, wandering around the house trying to be quiet. 
Long day yesterday and a long one in store.  Makes me even more tired just thinking about it.  I guess worries make things harder because once the edge of my fatique has worn off, the pressing worries that are a part of my life right now prevail, bringing them to the fore front and pushing sleep aside.  Not good in the long run.  I'm thinking that I'm anemic again and that might have something to do with it.  Hopefully, I'll find out for sure before the weekend. 
I'd like to take a break from my problems but since that isn't going to happen, I'm turning them over to the Lord.  I'd like to say that takes them away but it doesn't.  It does make them easier to think about because I know that I don't have to go through them alone.  And of course, being the person that I am, I'll go back and pick hem up again, at least for a time because I'm impatient.  It's hard to wait on the Lord's timing for good things but it's even harder to wait on His timing to fix problems.  Some folks might say that I'm not faithful enough, but I like to think of it as reality.  Not because I think that's a good excuse, just because for me that's being honest.
I know He will never leave me or forsake me and I trust in that but I can't help wondering what's going to happen and if I'll respond the way I should.  It's great to say that I'm giving this body of mine to God with the idea in mind that He will "fix" it.  It's easy to ignore the idea that He might not.  It's also easy to say that it's going to be okay but I'm still scared.
Maybe just admitting that was a big step 'cuz it feels like a dam just burst somewhere inside.  I'm sorry that I let go of your hand Lord.  Can you reach down here and pull me out?  Again.

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