July 8, 2010

Keeping my head above water

Warning - personal thoughts.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning.  Too many things to deal with and not enough...what?  What is it that I don't have enough of?  Energy?  Faith?  Trust?  I don't know.  All I can say is that I'm tired and find it very difficult to keep my head above water.

Seems the more I put into something, the less I get out of it.  Maybe that's not the right goal to have.  I mean if I expect to get something in return, I may as well expect to be disappointed nearly every time.  But, if I don't expect anything, I won't be let down...more than likely, I won't be any further ahead either.   

Is it wrong to want something for myself?  Should I only be concerned with the wants and needs of others?  Is it wrong to make time to sit down to read or knit when there are so many things that need to be done?  How about taking a break to sit in the sun for a 1/2 hour or drink tea?  Or writing here; is it just a waste of time?  What if others think so?  Does it matter?  Should it matter?  If I don't do anything for myself, what will happen to me if the few people who need me stop needing me?  Am I invisible?

I think I have some sorting out to do.  Some ideas that need to be looked at from a different point of view.  'Cuz if I don't, I think I'll just sink without any hope of surfacing again. 

4 thoughts about my meanderings:

Molly O'Bryon-Welpott said...

Totally get where you are coming from and I read a quote from Janis Joplin the other day,"I must be an optimist because a pessimist never get's let down:)"
Keep on keeping on and enjoy some sumemrtime to yourself! No shame in that it is recharge and fuel up time:)

wanderer said...

Thanks, Molly. It's just too much sometimes and then I get my head on straight again. <3

Missy said...

Throwing you a rubber ducky to float on!! Love ya.
Or better yet I'll share mine come over I will feed and water my kids and we can dish on each others troubles and break out Marks new maple wine. Oh.. I guess you probably should have your own ducky if we do that. HAHA Been where your at!!

wanderer said...

<3 Thanks, Missy!

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