July 26, 2010

Another "why?"

I've been in and out of sleep for hours pondering "stuff" that happens.  So yeah, it's another one of those times when I'd like to know why!?  Why do stories have unhappy endings?  Why are we often so selfish we deprive ourselves of the things we want most?  Why can't we be who God wants us to be for the people we love?  Does it mean that we can't because we are not putting Him first?  Probably.  But doesn't that seem to be a little bit counter intuitive?  Is that because we can't be the person we're meant to be if we focus on our wants and desires before we do things because God wants us to?  So as I mull this over in my mind, am I right in thinking that we have to give up what we want in order to gain it?  Well, until we get our heads on straight about that it seems that we're in for a lot of unhappy endings.  Tough going.  I know the reason why and yet I still cry out to God for comfort when I'm hanging on to my old ways and pondering possible reasons why I feel so miserable.  It must be someone else's fault.  I've wanted "this" so badly and even prayed for it in Jesus' name but secretly, its been mostly about me...not about Him.  It's funny how things work like that.  So, if I focus on me or something/someone that I want instead of looking to God and I can't seem to achieve it, does that mean that looking to Him instead will give me what I desire or will my desires change to His goals for me?  What about the open doors, the stories that seemed ordained by Him because there's no way they could have fallen into place without devine intervention?  Or are there lots of situations that are just the same but we don't realize it?  Could there be several choices that come into our lives in exactly the same way but we can only see one?  Maybe just improper timing?  Maybe, but then why didn't the events fall into place so the timing would be right?  Could it be that things are pointing in the right direction in order to fuel the desire but other things need to take place before we can move ahead?  Are we allowing past indiscretions to intrude on future happiness?  Would all involved be on the same page at the same time?  I mean eventually they'd have to be but what about at the start?  So, WHY do things have to be so complicated?  So, yeah. WHY???
There's an old saying that goes something like this; "If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back to you it's yours.  If it doesn't, it never was."  I've thought about that alot lately.  Is it as simple as it sounds?  I don't know.  Does it mean that in spite of me and all the mistakes that I make, God's will will be done?  Does it mean that I can be as selfish as I want to and things will still work out according to His plan?  Why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people?  Why?

Too many tough questions and not enough sleep to think clearly about any of them.  So, I'm crying out...
God, can you hear me?  Help!  Please carry me through this because I don't think I can make it on my own.

Why?  Maybe it's because our dreams and goals are limited by the minute view we have.  We can't see the "BIG" picture.
Maybe it's because we need Him to be the Lord of our lives in order to gain the desires of our heart. 

2 thoughts about my meanderings:

Princess Eilonwy said...

Your thoughts and ponderings are so similar to mine at the moment :/... so know that I'm crying out to God as well... and I know He can hear both of us. He's that kind of King.

wanderer said...

I'm thankful that He is that kind of King...one who can hear our prayers, heal the brokenhearted, and set the captive free.

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