February 29, 2012

In Between

So...today is one of those in between days when you know things are gonna happen but you don't know if they're gonna be good or bad.

You've heard the old adage, "When it rains, it pours."haven't you?

Well, the storm is building, I can see the dark clouds just over the ridge and I'm standing out in the wind.  This week will tell whether it's gonna hit or blow over. I just hope my feet are firmly planted so I'm not swept away like debris in a flood or a cow in a tornado.

I don't like storms.  But they fascinate me.  The massive power and tremendous gathering of nature to form so formidable a force that cannot be contained is awesome.  Often devastating but awesome.

So, I guess it follows that I don't like strife, frustration, uncertainty...change.  I like things to stay comfortable but who doesn't.  But I also like a little control...to keep things flowing nicely...flood control to turn the tide...damage control to keep things from going too far...denial to protect me from pain...forgetfulness to put the hurtfulness behind me and lock it out.  Maybe you could call that selective memory.

I'm trying really hard to leave it all in God's hands but I'm willing to admit I'm scared.  If you read this and feel inclined to, please pray...I'd like to say pray that God will consider the desires of my/our heart and basically send a happy ending in about 4 situations that are coming to a head this week but I know that's not always the plan.  I know He is all powerful and could do that if He wanted to but I also know that He is all knowing and can see the big picture.  I can't do that so it may be hard for me to understand right now.

I guess the way to do it is to pray the prayer that never fails..."God's will be done."  And that He'll give me/us the "peace that passes all understanding."  And hope my desires line up with that enough to bring the answers I'd hoped for.  Not because I deserve it...I let Him down all the time...just because that's what He wants for me/us.

To ponder my way through all the "what if's" and possible scenarios searching for answers to my endless "why?" questions is my human nature but it's really pointless.  It only adds to the force of the wind and increases my unsteadiness.

Did I mention that I don't like storms?  That's the kind of awesome power I prefer to watch from a distance. You know what I mean... you can see the rain and feel the wind...the dark clouds look like they're looming right over your head and a few bits of hail fall against the window...but then it's gone as quickly as it came, choosing a different path than the one you're on...the sun sends its reassuring rays past the lingering storm clouds to let you know it's gonna be okay.  And then, the still silence as the wind calms and you walk outside to stand in the afterglow because you feel so much closer to God that way.

I'll be looking for those rays of sunshine this week and clinging to the hope that the storm will pass and we'll have weathered it well.

No matter how it plays out, I hope my response will be honoring to God and His love for me.

Pondering My Meanderings...
with much herbal love,

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