February 6, 2012

What Does Love Look Like?

Most young people today don't know about love.

They think love looks like sex.
They don't stop to enjoy the little intricate parts of love that make up a relationship.
Without any restraint, the entire premise of their togetherness becomes about sex.
And only about sex...can you really build a relationship on that alone?
Not one that lasts. Not one that will build you up and make you a better person
when you're with that someone than when you're alone.

So what does love look like?
It's friendship.
Like finding yourself or coming home.
It's challenging and comforting.
It's a safe place. 
Demanding your best and accepting your worst
A touch, a glance, a thought.
Not walking away each time things don't go your way. 
Striving to find a solution, together.
Give and take ~ equally. 
Communication!  Never doubting.  Always knowing.

Sometimes just knowing is enough.
It can take you through the toughest times.

Sometimes just being at the same place is comforting.
You know they're there if you need them.

Maybe it's feeling that your name is safe in their mouth.
They'll never say hurtful things about you or tarnish your character.

Working on something together, toward the same goal.
Feeling a sense of togetherness in the satisfaction of teamwork.

Or maybe turning to find them looking at you from across the room.
The sensual space of separation and the meaning of a look.

Standing next to that someone may be all you need to feel love.
The camaraderie of togetherness often needs no touch.

Then there's the language that holding hands can speak.
Volumes of energy flowing from one fingertip to another.

Or arms length apart, face to face, looking into his eyes
and him holding both of your hands in his strong grip.  

Often, a hand at your waist or elbow can send a tingling sense of safety
through your heart and mind.  Your protector is there for you.

Walking side by side, the closeness of an arm around your waist...
and yours around his...hanging on as though you'll never let go.

Next to each other on the couch, snuggling up with 
as much contact as possible without crossing the line.

An actual face to face embrace, kept for a tender goodnight or
a meaningful moment is like the world stood still.

And these two haven't even kissed yet!
But the romance is so thick you can feel it in the air.

Is it a little warm in here?

Flirtation becomes a game of excitement and strength.
Guidelines help each to feel safe with the other
while not being afraid to explore their feelings and
find ways to express them that don't revolve around any form of sex.
Not a game to see how far they can go without giving in, 
that can be a bit like Russian Roulette because there's no going back.
Sure sex crosses their mind or maybe even fills their thoughts at times,
it would be foolish to think it didn't. 
But they don't act on it.  Not even close.
The power of knowing your own sexuality and controlling it opens up a whole new world of feelings and understandings that can build and sustain a relationship without resulting in pressure to make a conquest until your ready to build a life together and marry.

C. S. Lewis puts it like this...
"A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means.  This is an obvious lie.  Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is."

"When an adolescent or an adult is engaged in resisting a conscious desire, he is not dealing with a repression nor is he in the least danger of creating a repression.  On the contrary, those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious and soon know a great deal more about their own sexuality than anyone else.  They come to know their desires as Wellington knew Napoleon, or as Sherlock Holmes knew Moriarty; as a rat catcher know rats or a plumber knows about leaky pipes.  Virtue ~ even attempted virtue ~  brings light; indulgence brings fog."

That kind of love sounds a whole lot more exciting and romantic than meeting a physical desire and walking away.  The game of real love never ends...it only gets better and expands with time.

Pondering My Meanderings... 
with much herbal love, 

1 thoughts about my meanderings:

Nonna Beach said...

Very well said...not easy to do....but so worth it. I believe in chastity, true and eternal love, fidelity and that marriage and family are the basic building blocks of civilization !

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