It would be foolish to say that I've stayed on top of my game since my early years. I've slowly put on weight and struggled to get it off again (unsuccessfully) and I've allowed myself to be held back by "things" that shouldn't be allowed to have that much sway in my reality.
Mentally, I've always felt like I was still in my early twenties...call that young at heart or immature at your discretion...I've felt like I was in a time warp where the world and life go on but I stopped aging...or at least slowed down.. Not really what you'd call strongly opinionated (although there are some who would disagree with that), just willing to go with the flow...at least most of the time, except on faith. I think that makes me a poor planner.
But now that my kids are older, I find myself drawing strength from them. They're having so much more fun and I'm starting to realize that it's no one's fault but my own. I think that's the root of the mid-life crisis. Complacency. And Pride. And then awakening...realization...the thought of death... maybe not physical but the death of your dreams.
I'm not afraid to die. I know where I'm going at the end of this brief span of my life. But it stinks to suddenly come face to face with the idea that you can't do all the things you've done in the past or that you're not going to do all the things you've always wanted to do. You're not as spry as you once were. But that's reality and one I should have seen coming.
There are those among us who can't bear it. As the beauty of youth slips away, no matter how hard they've tried to hang onto it, reality hits. We're getting old, we haven't achieved all that we'd hoped, we're not as happy as we thought we'd be in our lives and sadly, in our relationships, too. And then all of a sudden, the values we've purported to believe become twisted and spun into self serving weapons. I've outgrown you. Why can't you be like _______? I've become more spiritual than you.
You mean while your spouse has been out working 40 hours a week plus all the overtime available to make you happy and provide for the family, he hasn't had time to study whatever it is you think he should know? Or been as big a part of the kids lives as you thought he should be because when he comes home he's tired? Or because he hasn't jumped on the latest bandwagon you've allowed to take over your life...be that good or bad...but he's allowed you to pursue? Is it because you feel like you're...better than he is?
That's pride...short and sweet. It's a trap we could all fall into. Yeah, life didn't turn out the way we'd planned...but maybe it's better and we can't see it. The salvation for a lot of marriages comes from stepping back from our anger and bitterness or self absorbed woes to see what God has to say about it. I'm not going to list scripture here but if you need help finding it, let me know.
- First...pride is a sin. But we all knew that right?
- Second...please don't blame any bad decisions on God. Although the attitude of elevated spirituality (piously disguised as humility) comes across as condescension, it's as transparent as a child thinking you can't see the wiggling bump under the covers because they can't see you. Besides, I'm pretty sure He's not going to like it.
- Third...God is never going to ask us to do something that is a direct violation to His word. His will for our lives is not going to contradict what He's told us to do. Like it's okay, now that things didn't turn out the way you'd planned, to walk away from the promises you made at the alter. Those promises were made to God as well as your spouse. Or that because you don't want the same things, it's okay not to be submissive.
Okay, I guess I'll stop now. I just needed to get that out. Sometimes it makes me crazy to watch people who would have others think they are so perfect, spiritual and humble get to the point where they can't maintain it any more...they crash and burn, hurting people and dragging others down along with them. Everything is someone else's fault and they try to justify their sinful behavior by making themselves the victim. Then they top it off with the idea that God was really directing them to make this decision that is clearly a conflict to what He tells us in His Word.
Here's another old saying..."Two wrongs don't make a right."
Pondering My Meanderings...
with much herbal love,