June 12, 2011


Change is scary.  Sometimes you've done the same thing for 30 years and then you realize that it's not working anymore and hasn't been for awhile.  You stick your head in the sand and try to ignore it but as the joy drains away, you have to admit it.  It's time for a change.  But you know if you make a change, you'll be judged for it.  Because people don't think your reasons are good enough or they chose to minimise your ideas.  But when it comes right down to it, you're the one who will answer for these choices, and it won't be to them.  Oh, maybe on this earth and in this life, they'll shun you and talk about you, but in the end, who really cares? 
I think I've had just about enough.  There's no reason to maintain the status quo because most people won't notice anyway.  They don't now.  We've all been through it and sometimes you just need someone to come along side and love you no matter what.  Friends who will look for you and know that something's changed without having to be told. 
I'm afraid.  Too many what-ifs.  But if I can't find what I'm looking for, should I just continue on or should I step out of my comfort zone and make a change?  Can I find a place where I'll be ok... or will the next step be just the same?  I hate to sound so dismal.  This should be a place of joy and sharing.  It's something that I've been thinking about for a long time.  Maybe it's just me.  It seems like I'm the oddball.  And the worse things become, the more pressing it feels.  It'll be best for all of us...I think.

1 thoughts about my meanderings:

cj Schlottman said...

Change is always difficult, even if we bring it on ourselves because it's the right thing to do. You are a human being, a person of worth, and you are ultimately accountable only to your own heart. Go with what it tells you, even if it hurts at first. I will be thinking about you.


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