January 25, 2010

Elusive sleep

Here I am...again. Wide awake at 4:15. Wide awake but very tired. There's no doubt that I am a morning person but with only 4 hours of sleep, by afternoon I'm wiped out. As soon as I stop moving I'm falling asleep. That's not the way it's supposed to be. It would be so nice to sleep for 7-8 hours...7-8 hours of blissful rest. Just 3-4 nights a week...is that too much to ask? This has been going on for months. There are too many thoughts running around in my mind. Hence the meandering I guess.
So what's to think about? Hah! chores, homeschooling my youngest, bills, helping my oldest prepare for college, gardens, chores, my weight, relationships (of all sorts), God, chores, repairs that need to be done around the house, obligations that I really don't want to be obligated for, concerns for each member of my family, state of the union, dear friends, health, all of the things I need to accomplish in the next week, or month, or year and the list goes on. it's not all worry, some of it is just thinking. Running over things in my mind. Over and over and over.
Why can't my mind take a little rest. I feel so scatterbrained! What do I need to do? Do I really need to think about all of these things? Not really, at least not all the time, every day. So what is the answer? I wish I knew.

The problem with mulling things over so much is that I tend to begin to wonder about things that might not really be an issue. Then I add questions to my thoughts, some of which are spurred by the evil side of me instead of the good side. My shoulder angels are battling for my sanity. My heart is in the right place and my intentions are good but Satan creeps in and plants seeds of discontent and suspicion. Then worry begins to build and before you know it, I'm in a brewing pot of jumbled thoughts that may or may not be true. Discouragement, worry, disbelief, suspicion. I guess he's got me right where he wants me.

Get back you cruel fiend! Jesus Christ is Lord of my life.

Now, lets get some sleep.

Not that I'm surprised at all but the Lord blessed me with another hour of sleep! Now why can't I remember to give it all to Him on a daily basis and leave it there? Just that one extra hour has given me a brighter, more alert mind this morning. Or is it really the fact that I know He loves me and and has given me peace from the turmoil? I don't mind meandering through a jumble of peaceful thoughts or pressing things that I'm looking forward to doing. It's the weighty matters, some of which I've no control over, that make me feel so helpless and frustrated. Thank you, Jesus!

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