Blast!

Sleep has a way of evading me on a regular basis.  I had really hoped to get a good night's sleep last night but alas, it seems that is nigh impossible for me.  When I have lots to think about, it just makes me crazy to be so tired and my mind is so very much awake.  Blast!

I'm going to write a fairytale in which everything turns out the way it's supposed to...you know,with a happy ending.  Hopeless as I am for a real life fairytale, I guess it's hard to find players to fill the roles.  But I had such high hopes for writing something good that would make people happy.  I had a story/play that I'd been working on for about a year and a half but no matter how I tried, I couldn't make the ending turn out right.  The plot got all messed up and there were too many loose ends that I couldn't pull together.  The players were too easily distracted to stick with the script. I guess their hearts weren't really in it and it spoiled the whole story.  I really had my heart set on this one, too.  Blast!

Don't you just hate it when someone leads you to think and believe that they have this noble reason for doing something quite lifechanging but it turns out that what happened was really just a poorly planned series of events that couldn't have been different if they'd wanted them to be because they can't let go of some silly extravagant things that eat up their money and take them away from what they said they wanted. But they put a spin on it that makes it seem to be more than it is...until they can't hide it anymore.  Or maybe they do hide it and you feel like you're dealing with two different people...one who tells you what they think you want to hear and one who does what they want with little regard for how it affects others.  How can this be?  And everything they tell you feels like it's been a lie because what they say and what they do are so different there's no way it could have been true.  In the end, you just feel like a fool who's been played like a fiddle.  Drawn in so deep that you're left scratching your head and wondering how you could have been so naive.  Other people can see through it...why can't you?  Every single thing is a big struggle instead of coming together like you thought it would....or like you believed they wanted it to.  So, why did all this start in the first place?  Were they deceived themselves?  Did they just bite off more than they could handle?  Or did they really think that they could have it all?  Well, I hope they're happy.
And yes, I know, people are just human and we all have two sides, let me just say that I will always believe that the good side can win if it wants to.  But it might take some work.
I guess you need to believe in people; to see the good side but maybe in doing that I manufacture qualities that I want them to have and try to make them into someone they're not or don't really want to be. 
Still, I feel betrayed.  And it really bothers me.  It hurts. 
I want the happy ending.  Double blast!