wandering? no... wondering... or both?

As I ponder the things that happen, I have to ask..."Why?"  I know, I know...I'm not supposed to wonder why let alone have the audacity to ask.   But I can't help it.  Sometimes the reason seems so clear to me and I can go along thinking, "Yeah, it's all coming together and I know where this is headed."  And I'm fine with that.  It's the times when things seem to be coming together and then take a turn I wasn't expecting that really throw me off.  Especially when it's a turn for the worse.  That's when I ask.  "Why?" "What's going on?"  What did I do wrong?"  "What am I supposed to learn?"  Ahhhh!  I feel so humble, so stupid, so alone when that happens.  That's when I need to draw nearer to Him instead of allowing my "whys" to come between us.  I don't mean to let them do that but they do.

My life seems to meander along and I'd like to think I'm fairly easy going.  Until I feel the need to ask why.  Why do things happen that make me sad or uncomfortable and why don't things happen that I've really been hoping for?  Maybe even praying for.  More work required on my part?  OK.  More patience?  Probably.  More faith?  Ouch! Not asking for the right things?  Needing to get my life right with God before I can even hope that He will hear, let alone answer my prayers?  More than likely.  Perhaps the thing I need to ask is not, "Why?" but "Help?"

I've often heard the phrase, "The Lord works in mysterious ways."   I can accept that.  But I wish He's let me in on the secret or the goal.  Not because I deserve it.  Just because I'm not good at surprises.  Well, good, happy surprises are okay.  It's the "not so good" ones that take a little more adjusting.  And I can do that with His help.  So why is it so hard to ask for it?