Guessing Games

Who doesn't like a good benign riddle?  It's fun to try to figure out a well written verse.  For instance, I really enjoyed reading The Learned Ladies.  It's a witty play written by Moliere.  The verse and wit flowed equally well throughout the script making it quite fun to read.  I'd love to see it performed.  I found myself laughing and rising to the height of the arguments along with the characters. 
But only from a distance.  I've discovered that once I've become too close, the fun and the intrigue lose some of their charm.  I guess the reason for that is simple. Once it becomes personal, there are too many questions that arise; too many ways to misinterpret the rhyme.  Or maybe if it's understood, I'm too slow to accept it.  Ambiguous phrases can't stand the test when they are applied to real situations.  You can walk away from a story or a play with questions that will never be answered but when that happens in life, it just doesn't cut it.  I may have written about all this before but I didn't take the time to look for it.  Anyway it's still on my mind so I'm writing now.
Sometimes folks put themselves in a position that is elevated above the general populace requiring special treatment by others or feeling that they deserve more than your average person who is expected to live within the confines of acceptable human behavior.  That due to some eccentricity they can act however they want and require exceptional treatment by those closest to them.  Their inflated vanity or sense of imagined elevated stature can often be the means of separating them from blessings and happiness.
It's easy for all of us to be judgemental of others and feel that we are beyond reproach for one reason or another.  But to find fault in the the labored decisions of others regarding matters of moral integrity, especially when their ultimate decision shows a consideration for their own future as well as that of those their future (and past actions) will impact and is a good example to those around them, is just self-centered and mean-spirited.  But then, for it to be discovered that the person so quick to judge has been repeatedly guilty of a much more morally damaging behavior which has tarnished their ability to relate and skewed their ideas of reality, is more hurtful still.  It's one of those times when you just want to scream, "What!!!!????? How can you make me feel like I've done something wrong when you have this huge, ugly mess on your own plate?"
So, yeah...how many times does that happen and we come away feeling bad about ourselves, second guessing the good decisions we've made only to find out later or maybe worse-to never find out at all, that the folks who made us feel that way have much more to worry about?
There's a good book called, "When People are BIG and God is Small"  that addresses some of these things. 

Worldview

My daughter and I have been working on a worldview course together.  My husband has joined in.  In trying to discern what the Bible says about who God is compared to who man is, and how that plays out, we've decided that it's hard to take all that we read in the scriptures, even when we know what's being said, and put it into practical, everyday use.  I'm not sure if I'm being too narrow minded or if I'm trying to make things more "me" specific than I need to.  The passages may say exactly what they mean but my problem comes in translating that passage into an application that I can use when life happens.
It's all well and good to say that the Bible says such and such about something and most of the time I understand what's being said but there are times when I need to know how to do it.  It is so easy to quote an applicable verse and be all matter of fact about doing things according to the Bible but, what does that look like?  You hear lots of talk about being a good example to others and not being a stumbling block to those weaker than yourself.  The difficulty comes in trying to talk about how involved in our daily decisions God should be.  Yes, I talk to Him, I praise Him, I ask Him for different things for myself and for others.  But what about the daily decisions I make?  The little ones like what should I have for breakfast? or what should I wear today?  How about which instrument should I play, the piano or the flute?  If all options are choices that don't go against the Word, how do I know which one is right?  Do I serve in a mission field abroad or one at home?  Both are serving the Lord so how can we know?  Are we free to decide or not? 
I am simply a sinner saved by grace and I know what that means.  I can tell others what God has done for me and how He wants me to grow to be more like Him.  I strive to do that but I often fail miserably.  He is truly awesome and I love Him dearly because He loves me and because He takes care of me.  So far, so good. 
But when it comes right down to it, sometimes right and wrong are not clearly marked.  It's impossible to be legalistic about it even if you want to because it's not "cut and dried." 
Why do I believe God is?  Because the evidences of a powerful, imaginative creator are all around me.
How do I know God is "up there" listening to my prayers and guiding me?  Can I prove it?  No, I can't.  Someone might say that it is just fate that things happen the way they do.  And if I'm happy with the way my life is going, they might say that I'm more than happy to try to put God's name on it.  On the other hand, if things aren't going well, do I try to blame God for it?
I can't prove anything.  But I just know and that is my faith.  My worldview. 
I try to filter all that I allow to color my life through that worldview.  Sometimes I slip.  Sometimes I deliberately look the other way.  I'm not proud of that fact... I'm just trying to be honest.  But sometimes I have trouble putting a biblical principle into the bare bones actions in my daily life.  I don't always know how it is to be done.
This is a bunch of rambling thoughts that I've been pondering lately so I thought I'd jot them down.

Toads

Hmmmm...  Another inevitable part of the fairy tale (or should I say faerie tale?) is magic.  But not the magic of a story coming together...I mean spells and potions.  Now I know that all that is despicable to God and not something that we should even think twice about but every now and then don't you just get the urge to turn someone into a toad and keep them in your garden? At least for a while.  Until they realize a few things.  I mean really, come on, admit it...you know you do!  Besides, there are too many bugs out there anyway! ;)

Happily ever after

Over the river and through the woods...
Somewhere, over the rainbow....
The grass is always greener on the other side...
Happily ever after...

There are lots of sayings, songs and poems describing places we dream about.  Places we think we can go that will be better than where we are right now.  What is it we're looking for? 
Perfection?  No, I don't think so.  As imperfect as we are, we can't even fathom what perfection might be.  But we know we're not happy with our present circumstances and it's easier to dream or imagine than to fix the problems that plague our lives.  The reason it's easier is because we might have to change!  Or give up something!!!    Ahhhhhhhhh!  But we have all these plans laid out before us.  A map of just how we want our life to go, step by step, year by year.  But you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men.  Enter a woman.
From the very beginning of creation, man has had the need of a helper, a woman to protect, a lover to care for, someone to fellowship with and be nurtured by.  Another person to come alongside them and help them carry the load.  Not beneath them, but beside them.  Anyway....
Fantasy stories are some of my favorites.  Stories about lands beyond my grasp that sound like they would have been wonderful places to live even though they were fraught with danger.  But I think in all the stories that attract me it's not just the lands but the people who make it feel like it's a better place than where I live. 
There are the Colonial, Victorian and Regency eras and all the beautiful tales of love and romance that are set, seemingly so appropriately, in these interesting periods of our past.  I guess I'm drawn to them partially because I love the clothing and the architecture.  But again, if I look closer, I think some of that attraction comes from the lovely mannerisms and language of the time.  That brings us back to the people again.
But, perhaps the most favored genre of all is the fairytale, most often set in the days of knights and ladies, the reawakening period of the Renaissance. Now admittedly, this type of story generally involves plenty of wonderful clothes regardless of the social status of the folks written about.  And equally interesting architecture ranging from quaint cottages to great castles.  But the most intriguing parts are the woodlands.  So much takes place in the shady glades and the mossy glens, the craggy mountains and the green forests.  Think Mirkwood and you'll know just what I mean.  Not a safe place at all but still quite desirable, especially on the elven side of the forest.  But I digress from my purpose.
Fairy tales nearly always have to do with good triumphing over evil and more often than not, love.  It could be said that fairy tales can take place within any of the other genres or settings that I've mentioned, in any period of time.  It would also be true that the part of the story that I love the best is the conquest.  We don't often read about much what happens after the marriage, the story is all about the beginning, however long that actually takes. 
I've written before about being a hopeless romantic...it's true.  The thing that I had originally set out to write about is the hopelessly romantic outlook through which I view a story...any story. I'm always hopeful for a happily ever after.  Is that wrong?  Is it just too naive to think that's possible anymore?  I don't think so. But I do think that fairy tales are really things that happen to you  and you're in them before you know you've even begun.  At that point, the important part becomes what you do once you've discovered it.
My all time most favorite believable fairy tale is that of Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennett.  Most folks would probably say that it isn't a fairy tale at all but I think it is.  What are the chances that Mr. Bingley would look at a home in the area of Meryton; it was quite inconveniently located in the country far from the busy life available in London.  About the only thing it seemed to offer was a bit of sport.  Also, what could predict that he would bring his closest friend along who seemed to despise the location from the start because of the course neighbors whom he could hardly abide.  What brought Elizabeth to visit her cousin in Hunsford at the same time that Darcy and Fitzwilliam came to visit their aunt who lived on the adjoining estate.  After their separation, what brought Darcy home to Pemberly a day early only to find Elizabeth viewing the grounds?  Now if that isn't a set of amazing coincidences, I don't know what is!  And really, that's what makes it a fairy tale.  Circumstances that seem almost magical in the way they come about.  Unforeseen and clearly unexpected, you find yourself plopped into the middle of a "tale as old as time."  What could be more romantic than that?  So, now, what will you do about it? 
I guess the part after the wedding just falls into place as the love they have carries them through the times ahead.  Admittedly, it's hard to imagine the happily ever after not having a few bumps in the road.  But that's where the story changes from one of gaining the trust of the one you love to proving that trust over and over again through all the pits and downfalls that come up.  You know, 'cuz it really is happily ever after and it feels like somewhere over the rainbow.

A beginning

The forest was quickly coming to life as the sun broke over the tree tops. Ahead of it, an early morning breeze gently nudged aside the wisps of mist to make room for its warming light. The colors were coming alive after spending the night in shades of moonlit gray and white. Small animals scurried about their business and birds filled the air with their early morning song.  Gweneth walked along a well known path looking for blackberries.  She'd traveled this trail many times but today she was careful to watch for the mother bear and cubs that had left their sign in the clearing near the cottage.  While she'd always had a special relationship with the animals in the forest, she didn't think the bruin would be willing to share a patch of blackberries with her.

A sharp snap in the bushes and a rustling nearby made her jump.  As she turned to see what had caused the noise, she noticed a fawn peeking timidly out of the thicket ahead.  She sensed before she heard someone approaching.  The fawn tensed as if to spring.  Just then a large horse rode into sight, breaking the stillness and sending the frightened deer crashing away in the opposite direction.  The horse stopped abruptly and a young man leaned over it's neck to peer at her curiously. He had a friendly face and kind eyes.

"Well, who are you?", he asked, surprised to find a lady alone in the forest.

She could only stare.  The young man looked to be a little older than herself and was dressed in the clothes of a peasant.  But the charger he was riding looked more like a knight's horse than a farmer's.  There was something in his expression that caught her quite off guard.  Blushing timidly, she dropped a quick curtsy and stepped out of his way.  After a bit of an uncomfortable pause in which she found she couldn't look away from his face, she turned and bolted away from the path into the surrounding trees.

"Blast!", she heard him mutter behind her.  And then louder, "Wait!  I won't hurt you, I only want to ask you a few questions.  Please, come back!" And then more softly, “Blast!”

Gweneth wasn't interested in answering any questions and quickened her gait. She ran a little further and dodged behind a tree.  She could hear him trying to guide his horse through the thick brush in her direction.  Slowly, without making a sound, she dropped to the ground and crawled under some bushes.  She could see him now, drawing closer but moving slowly, searching the forest for her.  Holding her breath, she waited until he'd passed by.  Then she let out a slow, quiet sigh. He stopped.  He couldn't have heard that...could he?  His horse began to back up a step at a time, pausing in between to listen.

"Hmmm....I'd bet my breakfast I heard someone sigh, just now, Dynny."  The horse tossed it's head and snorted abruptly.

"Ah, you think you heard it, too?  Well, lets just take a little rest and make our camp right here.  We've nowhere to rush off to and the hunting should be just as good here as further down the trail."  The young man dismounted and began to unpack his horse without so much as a pause.

What was she to do now?  Trapped under the bush by the man in front and the briers all around, there was no way to escape.   Trying to get comfortable without making any noise was a tricky task on the bed of crackling leaves in her hiding place.  She planned to wait quietly until the man stepped away or fell asleep and then make a run for it.  Ironically, she found herself in a thick patch of blackberry brambles hanging heavy with ripened fruit. Every once in a while the horse would stop grazing on the few clumps of grass in the small clearing and cast a suspicious look in her direction.  The young man set about making camp as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening.  He gathered a little wood for a fire and once it was burning nicely, he stood up and looked thoughtfully around the clearing carefully avoiding Gweneth's thicket.

After a long while, she grew weary of trying to keep an eye on him as he moved around the camp, seemingly doing nothing but pacing and stopping to think; trying to appear busy, waiting for her to make a move. There was something in his face that tugged at her mind.  Some memory too long buried, what was it?  Her thoughts made her stop and ponder, drawing her immediate attention away.  She fell asleep in the shadow of the bush trying to remember and slowly lost her grip on the berry basket.  It rolled out from her hiding place into the man's camp where the horse quickly picked it up and whinnied at it's master.

Okay....okay! I laughed!!

So here's the thing...several years ago when my kids were small, there was a popular breathing/exercise video on the market.  I bought it and used it.  I must say that it worked but it looked and sounded ridiculous!  I tried to get my girls to do it with me but that failed miserably because they could only roll on the floor laughing at the video and me!!!  The facial exercises really do look funny but once again...they worked.  The real kicker was the breathing technique and the goofy noises that went along with it! 
However, every time I put the tape in, my entire family would gather around to hoot and laugh at me.  Since we are a homeschooling family, it wasn't like I could do it when they were at school and my husband was at work.  I thought I would share the video with my bff, closet blogging friend and maybe we could do it together.  Hahaha!  She watched about 5 minutes of the tape and got her exercise writhing on the couch laughing and quickly stated that there was no way she was going to be able to follow the breathing technique because she couldn't control her laughter! 
I put the tape away and decided it wasn't worth it.  Since then it has been the source of a good laugh every once in a while as the girls or my husband would mimic the breathing and tease me about those days.  My friend never forgot it and sometimes she just looks at me and giggles.  It's been a while since anyone's mentioned it...until yesterday.
My college girl loves to do stretching exercises and has been running with her roommate.  She also does some facial stretching that she often tries to disguise as just making funny faces but I can see right through that!  She doesn't do the breathing but she knows the stretching works!  Not knowing the history, or that my daughter was all too familiar with the tape, her roommate posted a youtube video clip on my daughter's wall because the gal makes such silly expressions.  Apparently, someone found the tape in one of their friend's mom's old videos and thought it was pretty funny so they put it on youtube.  Small world, huh?
When I saw the post, I laughed remembering the fun everyone had at my expense.  Then my younger daughter saw it and started doing the breathing sounds in my ear!!!  When my college daughter finally checked her FB and saw the post...well, if it's really possible to "roll on the floor laughing your butt off" on FB, that's what she did!
And last but not least, when my bff saw the post, she joined the bunch!  She'd read my blog from yesterday and pointed out that surely, that was an answer to prayer because I couldn't help but get a good, long laugh at that. 

On top of that, another friend sent out a blanket email to her friends with a link to a Christian comedian sharing a story about a good dunking she and her husband received on a rafting trip down the Colorado.  I saw it but didn't take the time to look at it until yesterday.  Being a Baptist, the story contained a few good laughs but in addition, it brought back a lot of fond memories of past canoeing trips that my friends and I used to take when we were college aged rabble rousers. 

God really does hear our every thought and prayer.  He knew I needed that little poke yesterday and delivered it right on time!  So thanks to my family, my friend, my daughter's roommate and my bff for giving me a sort of "hug" when I needed it most.  And thanks Lord for hearing my needs and prayers even when I don't feel like praying or can't find the words to express what's going on.  You are AWESOME!

Oh, sorta just kidding about the rabble rouser comment...we went with our college aged church group.  Sorta kidding, though now I think on it, maybe not! :)

I could use a good laugh!  I feel like I've lost my sense of humor over the past few months.
 
So, I was holding a baby yesterday.  She's about 1-1/2 years old. She's a little shy and when I talked to her before picking her up, she started to fuss a little.  But as she did she put her little hand over her mouth in such a cute, dainty manner that I almost laughed out loud!

But that's not what I mean.  When I started writing here I felt like I had more interesting things to talk about and even, at times, laugh at myself or joke about something that's happened.  So what's changed?  My focus?  Am I letting myself be overwhelmed by things I really can't change?  I guess so.
 
I'm not sure who's reading but you know where to find me if you have a laugh to share or just want to talk.  Some of you I get to see often and others once in a blue moon.  So, what's up with all of you? 

Oh, I've been writing a little on another blog so if you're inclined to follow me on my adventure with herbal remedies and other homestead stuff check it out.  

More on Tides

I've read over my Tides of Life post several times since it went on the blog.  I think there's another side to consider.  The tide brings new people into our lives but it also carries others away.  Through various means, we lose people...some we're glad to see go but others...well, we don't want to let go.  It's a struggle to watch people fade out of your life, especially people who've left their mark on your heart.  As I look back, I can see the faces of folks who've passed to the other side.  And folks who've left our cove in search of a better one.  Does the tide ever turn?  Will they wash back into our cove again?  Is it all beyond our control?  I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  I guess it's hard to grasp change.  It's hard to justify hanging on to folks who are trying to move on.  Or maybe it's the fact that they want to that's hard to accept.  I think maybe that's it.  Maybe it's not that they don't fight to maintain the status quo...it's because they don't want the status quo to stay the same.  When you invest a lot of time, effort and love into trying to make it easier, it becomes your battle, not theirs.  You pull and nudge and tug, encourage, advise, direct and even admonish to make dreams come true but when those dreams are gone, you're still trying to fix things that don't matter anymore.  But what really puzzles me is this; if it really was a dream, a status quo to maintain, a reason to stay in the cove, why didn't they fight for it then?  Why didn't they hold on tight?  Maybe they didn't want it as much as they thought they did.  Maybe there are too many compromises to be made and it isn't worth the sacrifice anymore.  Meanwhile, we've become so dedicated to working it out so the dream can come true that we're left feeling like...well, you know!
And now, it seems like the tide has come and all is different, the footprints are filled in and the treasures are lost.  Through various means we lose people... and it's really too bad.

Sometimes things are just too...I don't know...  When you don't know the answers and you don't know how to ask or you're not sure you want to know, it's just too...something.  Always wondering and never knowing for sure.  Wishing and praying when it feels like you're the only one.  Trying to figure things out and you don't know if it even matters anymore.  I simply don't understand and probably never will.  Chalk it up to another blunder on my part.  So, yeah....

Time in a Bottle

"If I could save time in a bottle,
the first thing that I'd like to do
is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
just to spend them with you.

If I could make days last forever
if words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure, and then
again, I would spend them with you.

But there never seems to be enough time
to do the things you want to do once you find them.
I've looked around enough to know
that you're the one I want to go through time with.

If I had a box just for wishes
and dreams that had never come true
the box would be empty
except for the memory of how
they were answered by you.

But there never seems to be enough time
to do the things you want to do once you find them.
I've looked around enough to know
that you're the one I want to go through time with."

Another lovely song from back in the day.  What girl wouldn't want to have this song sung to them by their love?

Tides of life

There are lots of people who come and go in our lives; kind of ebbing in for a time and then flowing back out into the sea of humanity.  Some come back again and again; some find a port that offers what they need or want so they put down their anchor; some find comfort or shelter or safety in our cove while others float on to wherever the tide takes them, waiting to be washed ashore.  Some of those folks make important footprints on the sands of our lives.  The next tide may fill those prints with sand but the lessons they taught us are stamped in our mind.  Others leave bits of themselves behind on the pebbly beach that we find after they've gone...tokens gathered to remind us of someone that touched our hearts.  Memories of some are quickly forgotten in the tide of new faces but others are forever remembered whether we meet again or not.  Those who choose to put down their anchor in our lives and come ashore give us a gift that we should cherish always.  On the beach, you will sometimes see the signs of our journey, side by side with friends and family that make us into the folks we are today but many times we are alone.  (Insert Footprints poem here.)
When terrific storms come along that would pull us into deep water, we have to hold tight to the anchors that we've put down in the little cove of our life.  (Insert The Anchor Holds here)
But underneath the shifting sands of tide washed shores we need a solid rock where we can build our history.  (Insert Solid Rock here)
What I started out to write here was that some people who come into our lives leave their mark on us.  Sometimes as treasures and sometimes as scars. Sadly, to be cliché, "we always hurt the ones we love."  Why is that?  Is it because we want to make them better people?  Are we better people when we're with them?  Or is it because we are protecting ourselves?  Maybe it's because they want to go and we want them to stay. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, we're afraid. 
We have little control over the tide and what it brings to our lives so the only thing we can do is be ready and waiting to accept what comes our way and hang on to the people and things that make a difference.

Good Morning, Starshine...

...the earth says "Hello!"

Fall is making it's way into the little valley where I live.  The air has that certain crisp, nutty smell that makes it clear that summer has nearly run it's course and will soon be a memory.  Leaves litter the lawn near the wood line from the dry spell followed by a few very windy days.  Last nights heavy rains probably brought down a lot more.  At first light I'll go out to see what the night brought with it.  We really needed the rain; the grass was dry and crackly under my feet. 
Autumn is my favorite time of year!  All the colors and wonderful smells fill my senses with rich and heady perfume.  Apples are ready to pick, plums and grapes from up north make their way to garden stands in our area.  It's lovely!

Classics

Classic love stories are the ones that capture your heart!  Boy meets girl; boy is attracted to girl; girl hates boy; boy gets mad and backs off but can't stop thinking about girl; girl can't stop thinking about boy and usually finds out something endearing about him; they meet again and fall in love.  That's the basic summary in varying degrees and circumstances.
Just watched "You've Got Mail" for the first time...I love it!!!  It's a timeless classic!  "Pride and Prejudice, North and South, Persuasion, French Kiss, Australia, Stardust to name just a paltry few; are the same story in different settings.  Part of the romance is the falling part.  The stories where you absolutely despise the fellow's actions but you root for them to get together anyway because you can see that they were meant for each other, are the ones that make your heart melt.  Not that he's a rouge or anything, just that he's put himself  in a position of elevated opinions about himself or done something else foolish that's been hard to get past or been misunderstood.  And it's not always about the fellow being portrayed by a handsome, buff actor; they are just as enjoyable in novels when you get to judge some things about his character or looks for yourself rather than having someone tell you how to feel about them.  The discovery part of the story, whether real life or in movies and books, allows the romance to grow and build a foundation that will support what comes in the future.   I wonder how many times missed opportunities or stubbornness have allowed true love to pass by or not having the courage to persevere has caused us to lose out on what could be the second most important relationship in our lives.  How many folks get distracted by another interest?  How many people settle because they are afraid?
Love is a funny thing.  She's too vast and unpredictable to allow herself to be put in a tidy little box of rules about what she is and what she's not.  But when she finds you, you'll know it and your life will never be the same.
Some folks talk about doing what they think is best for the one they love but it only ends up hurting them more.  So, yeah....I think maybe they don't know what's best after all.  And others may say that love is all about being self-sacrificing but the truth is, that only makes the person they love feel more and more undeserving and set apart when they really want to be in a partnership.  Both of these things are important in the proper amount and context but there's a lot more to it than that. 
Then there's the folks who say that love just is and that they never stop loving no matter what happens.  But in the next breath say that it might not work out and they have to find someone who is more in line with their dreams.  Yeah, I'm in love with this other person and I always will be but you fit my plan better.  That way, I can have my cake and eat it, too and I don't really have to sacrifice a thing!  Now, there's a tidy little box to put "love" in!!

Thankful

I'm so glad to write that my Goosie sounds like she's getting a handle on her cold.  I'm praying today is even better.  I'm thankful for my good friend who is visiting her daughter near Goosie's college  She delivered a care package and a cooler full of whole food goodness to my sick girl.  Raw milk, yogurt, homemade breakfast bars and homemade rolled grape leaves!!!  Her all time favorite and very good for you food.  Her dad was determined to send them to her even before he knew she wasn't feeling well.  She said she's been eating better staying in her room than when she eats on campus.
And knock on wood, she's been treating herself successfully with natural remedies and rest all weekend so it makes me happy to know that she didn't have to rely on medication except once for sinus pressure pain.
I'm also thankful for the good friends she's made, including her room mates and the young man who came to her rescue last week.   Praying she'll get her computer issues ironed out and learn all that she needs to be able to use it as a helpful tool.  She's never been too crazy about technology but being away from home has certainly been made easier by cell phones and computers. 
It's a great place to be with a lot to offer.  Knowing that she is covered in prayer by so many people everyday makes having her so far from home a little easier to handle.
Love ya, Goosie.  Have a great week.
Marmie

Okay...here's another thing that is harder than I thought it would be.  Although I've begun to realize that I don't spend too much time thinking about uncomfortable things if I can help it.  At least not in advance.  Maybe that's why they catch me off guard.

My college girl called me yesterday and at first I thought she was crying but then she said that she had a really bad cold.  I wish I could be there to take care of her.  She sounded miserable.  Friends of ours from home were there and invited the kids to go for ice cream but she couldn't go.  When I talked to her she was curled up on her bunk under the covers with all her comfort stuff from home.

Well, another friend is going down today to spend a week so I'm sending a care package with her.  I'm glad  I have that means to send her a few things that might make her feel better.  I've been trying to call her but there's no answer.  I'm praying she's ok.

Put your head down and plow through

Back in the days when television was a part of our lives, there was a sitcom that we enjoyed about a married couple and their life.  The similarities to many things that take place in our daily lives were uncanny!  I remember one episode when the family gathered together with the parents and brother to celebrate the 3 month anniversary of the brother and his new wife.  The newlyweds, God love them, were very happy and thought that they could help the other two couples to have a better marriage.  Things got out of hand and finally the mother told everyone to stop and listen to advice from someone who was in a position to give it.  She told them that anger and hate were real parts of a marriage along with love and romance.  You just have to accept that and stop thinking that if things aren't perfect there is something wrong with your marriage.  When things get tough, you just put your head down and plow through it together.
I guess sometimes we get bogged down with the idea that when things aren't going well, it's time to call it quits.  Perseverance and courage are important.  When you are dating or courting, I think that's something important to look for in a future mate.  Of course there are numerous other qualities to look for as well.  Staying power, stick-to-itiveness (from my personal vocabulary words), bravery, and loving or standing by you enough to make it through the times when things aren't going as well as you hoped can make or break a relationship.  People mistakenly think that they fall into and out of love, but they don't.  Love is about decisions and promises.  The good feelings are just bonuses.  And the bad feelings are just reality because we are not perfect, but sinful humans.  Keeping your word even when the feelings may not be as strong as you'd like takes courage.  Dealing with the same issues, over and over again takes perseverance and will undoubtedly bring anger and frustration. When you take your vows, you decide to make a promise that will endure whatever comes your way, you know..."for better, or for worse."

Girls are like apples...

This quote is borrowed from one of my daughter's friends.  I don't know if this young man came up with it or if it's from another source but I thought it was pretty insightful.  What do you think girls?

"Girls are like apples on trees.  The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.  So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

Pondering

It's early...I've been awake for a while just pondering.  The problem is that I've no way of settling any of the many wandering thoughts that are ruminating in this silly head of mine.  When I look at something from one side I can see why it's a good thing and then when I look at it from the other side, I can just as easily see why it's not.  Of course, I want to see the good side but not so much the other one.  Sometimes there are things that I pray about or that feel like they were just dropped on my heart and I think, "Oh, God wants me to pay attention to this."  So I pray and wonder what the reason was or how I can help besides prayer.  Then there are things that occur and I ask about them and it seems to me like He's answering me and telling me, "Here's what's happening.  I've done all these things and used these people to get to this point and now it's your turn to play a part."  So I go along trying my best to nudge and encourage and admonish and PUSH to "help" things move in the direction indicated.  Certainly not because I think God needs my help but maybe because I think through experience and years, I might be able to see things they can't see.  But mostly I feel like I've been given an opportunity to serve Him and serve others, it's a blessing to me.  I've noticed that some of the help I try to give is met with resistance and sometimes even accepted superficially and then discarded.  So, if I'm supposed to help but the people I think I'm helping don't really want my help, how am I going to do that?  I guess my question now is, "OK, I thought you were telling me that this was the plan and you wanted me involved, but I'm a little confused about how.  What is it that you want me to do?" 
So, yeah...I think there's a fine line here between helping and meddling.  It's a fact that I've been on both sides of that fence.  It's just so frustrating to watch as people do things that will mess up the whole lovely scenario because they don't see what's in front of them.  Ah, well...I guess I should let go but I can't help but wonder why God brought this to my attention with what appeared to be a direction, but now....well, I just don't know.  Maybe I've lost my focus on what's important, or maybe the folks that I'm trying to help don't know anymore.  Or more than likely, it's like everything else, we're given opportunities or chances, doors are opened to things God has planned for us...but ultimately, it's our choice to enter in or pass by.  That makes sense because the biggest decision people have to make is offered but not demanded; they can choose to walk away.   So, that leaves me with another "Why?" question.  Plus a few more.  But, until I feel like God is taking this out of my daily thoughts and prayers, I'm just going to keep pondering and wondering what the part is that He wants me to play. What else can I do?

This newfangled thing called SKYPE

I love it!  Just spent 1-1/2 hours (that flew by like seconds) video chatting with my Goosie!  I'm so glad to have the chance to do this because I've been missing her a lot.  She looks really good.  Friends of ours took a care package to her today when they visited their daughter for her birthday.  So it was fun to know that she got it and will enjoy what was inside.
Her friend's family invited all the kids from our town to get together for a birthday party.  It was so nice!  There are large stones at a few prominent places on campus and the girl's boyfriend painted a birthday wish on one for her!  Lots of points for him!!!  :)  So sweet!  He's a year older but he took classes at home for a year until she graduated and then they both went off to college together. 
Anyway, it was so nice to see my girl's sweet face.  It's just a whole new level to phone conversations.  I'm such a visual person and so is she so it's nice to be able to see her and talk to her like she's sitting across the desk.  Many thanks to whoever invented this wonderful concept from all the college moms out there!

New beginnings

There are a lot of things that are changing in our lives and I suspect it's only the beginning.  New people, new places, new relationships, new routines, more travel, more opportunies, less and less of what we had.  Being stubborn about change the way that I am, I can't say it's all good.  There are so many things about the way things were that I'll miss.  And I know there will be new experiences that will be just as good as the old ones...but it won't be the same.  I just wish that I could go back and fix all the mistakes I've made and do the things I didn't get to do.  But worms won't fix this.  It's just time to accept some things as they are and welcome the changes because there's not much I can do to stop them.  I'm not saying I would if I could, just that I'm terribly sorry to let go of the past as it was only to remember with fondness the days of yore.  I guess that's where it's kept alive for those snowy days when the power goes out and we sit around the Victorola with the fire blazing; sipping cocoa and talking about the good ol' days.
"Hey, do you remember the time that ________ got her head stuck in a sweater?"  or "Remember when _______ was afraid of vampirates?"  "Remember when we had tea parties together in the cardboard house?" "Can we make sugar on snow, Mommy?"  The dents are still in the kitchen table where _________used to sit in her highchair banging her spoon for food!  And Ariel will always make me think of a little girl with a big head of hair and a sweet voice who sang to herslf in the mirror.  "Hey, remember how scared Mom was of the snake we found?"  "Here's the picture of ___________sleeping in the bath tub while we were working on the house."
Ahhh...those were much simpler times that have slipped by all too quickly.  So, yeah, worms wouldn't even touch this.

Blast!

Sleep has a way of evading me on a regular basis.  I had really hoped to get a good night's sleep last night but alas, it seems that is nigh impossible for me.  When I have lots to think about, it just makes me crazy to be so tired and my mind is so very much awake.  Blast!

I'm going to write a fairytale in which everything turns out the way it's supposed to...you know,with a happy ending.  Hopeless as I am for a real life fairytale, I guess it's hard to find players to fill the roles.  But I had such high hopes for writing something good that would make people happy.  I had a story/play that I'd been working on for about a year and a half but no matter how I tried, I couldn't make the ending turn out right.  The plot got all messed up and there were too many loose ends that I couldn't pull together.  The players were too easily distracted to stick with the script. I guess their hearts weren't really in it and it spoiled the whole story.  I really had my heart set on this one, too.  Blast!

Don't you just hate it when someone leads you to think and believe that they have this noble reason for doing something quite lifechanging but it turns out that what happened was really just a poorly planned series of events that couldn't have been different if they'd wanted them to be because they can't let go of some silly extravagant things that eat up their money and take them away from what they said they wanted. But they put a spin on it that makes it seem to be more than it is...until they can't hide it anymore.  Or maybe they do hide it and you feel like you're dealing with two different people...one who tells you what they think you want to hear and one who does what they want with little regard for how it affects others.  How can this be?  And everything they tell you feels like it's been a lie because what they say and what they do are so different there's no way it could have been true.  In the end, you just feel like a fool who's been played like a fiddle.  Drawn in so deep that you're left scratching your head and wondering how you could have been so naive.  Other people can see through it...why can't you?  Every single thing is a big struggle instead of coming together like you thought it would....or like you believed they wanted it to.  So, why did all this start in the first place?  Were they deceived themselves?  Did they just bite off more than they could handle?  Or did they really think that they could have it all?  Well, I hope they're happy.
And yes, I know, people are just human and we all have two sides, let me just say that I will always believe that the good side can win if it wants to.  But it might take some work.
I guess you need to believe in people; to see the good side but maybe in doing that I manufacture qualities that I want them to have and try to make them into someone they're not or don't really want to be. 
Still, I feel betrayed.  And it really bothers me.  It hurts. 
I want the happy ending.  Double blast!

Accepting

Sometimes, in this crazy life I live, things happen that I can't wrap my head around.  Or things that I really, truly believed were meant to be that just fizzled to nothing.  Or never really, really happened in the first place.  When that happens, I feel like such a fool.  Like I've been the biggest, most gullible, naive, silly person alive.  Maybe that's the hopeless romantic in me.  The one who wishes on stars just because it sounds so magical...not because I think it will come true because of the star...just for fun.  Or stands in the yard when the wind blows with my arms spread like wings, hoping that it might carry me away.  Or lies on the grass looking up at the stars and wondering if they really are like people.  Or stands on the breastworks of the dam at dusk as clouds of bats skim past me...I'm scared silly but do it anyway because my girls are more brave than I.  Maybe the one who imagines she sees personalities in nature...faces on trees or fairies in flowers, dwarves or goblins in the woods, shadows fleetingly resembling my favorite cat slipping around the corner.  Or maybe the one who breaks out in song or dance like no one's watching.   Or sees something magical about the way things happen that no one else sees.  And mostly the one who writes in sentence fragments hoping to convey a complete thought as a continuation of the ongoing theme! I write the way I talk! 
And, I'm the one who imagines and dreams things that are full of the essence of a fairytale.  And not the Grimm Bros. variety although sometimes that is more realistic.
 
The best part about all this is that no one can take my dreams away.  They are safe in my heart where I may keep them hidden but alive.  Who knows what can happen if you're young at heart?  Maybe fairytales can come true.

Accepting reality is not always easy.  Especially if you can't understand it.  You know, all the "Whys?"  The unanswered questions that eat at your subconscious, sapping your attention and time as you try to figure out just exactly what happened and why.  Always lurking just beyond your every thought seeking to find an answer.  Accepting that you may never know the answers to those questions might be even harder.  So, I simply refuse to believe it!

A tribute to my hard working husband

We love you and hope you know how much we appreciate the hard work and long hours you put in for us.

http://www.parade.com/news/backpage/connie-schultz/100905-the-place-my-father-didnt-want-me-to-see.html

This article describes my husband's job.  He's had the maintainance mechanics job and still works in that department.  Now he's a welder, his first love if you can all it that, so he works in places even the mechanics may not have to go.  Sometimes stories above the floor inside hot boilers laying on "lilypads" across bundles of tubes, hanging down over the edge, welding.  Sometimes on a cable car over the dam repairing gates near the area where the water is drawn into the plant.  Or on the outside of a tall stack.  Maybe welding by looking at his work in a mirror because he can't get to the right position to see what he's doing.  Sometimes on "picks" way up in the air on cat walks he had to build before he could make the repairs that need done.  Suspended by a harness in case he should slip.  Crawling through access doors barely big enough to allow a man to pass; dragging all his equipment with him into a completely dark space, tagging the area so noone fires up the boiler while men are working inside.

Once, earlier in his career, he worked in a hydro plant.  One of his first jobs was to crawl up the side of the mountain inside one of the tubes that carried water from the dam to the top of the mountain where it was held until they released it into the turbines to generate electricity.  What they didn't tell him was that while he was inside, water would be released into a neighboring tube.  When he felt the ground begin to shake, he thought it was all over.  Thankfully he doesn't do that anymore but he still gets into some "hairy" places to do what has to be done.

Friends

Visited with some friends last evening.  It was a rather impromptu get together which was kinda fun.  We had a great time relaxing around a fire and talking about everything under the sun.  It's nice to do that once in a while.
The stars were so bright and so many were visible and then, just like that, the clouds moved in.  It's probably a good thing because the temp dropped into the forties quickly and the cloud cover may have saved us from an early frost.

Should have known...

OK, it's the first holiday weekend since my college girl left for school.  We're not planning anything much but just the realization that she won't be here is a little bigger than I thought it would be.  I guess I should have known.

Have you ever had something that just gnaws at you and is always in the back of your mind?  Sometimes I think it's my conscience and sometimes I think it's God.  Maybe they're the same. 

I can hear it in her voice

My college girl is doing well.  Making a few friends, getting along with her roommates so far and finding her way around campus.  Classes are going well so far, too.  But I can hear the hesitancy in her voice.  Now that things are beginning to settle in, she's a little homesick.  I guess that's to be expected.  There are still lots of new and exciting things to find out.  Like her dorm mates wanting her to go "bridge jumping"  this weekend!  Yes, mom is being stretched...a lot!  I wish I could run down there and give her a hug.  There are times when this is harder than others.  This past year and a half has stretched me in many ways,too.  New experiences for her are new challenges for mom.  Such is life.

My younger daughter has her first soccer game of the season tomorrow.  She's going to try out for the backup goalie position.  She wasn't going to play but her friends encouraged her to go out for the team and I think she's glad she did. 

Lots of changes and new experiences for all of us now.  Not sure I'm ready but I don't think anyone is waiting for me to get set!  So, here we go....!

A nice day

Today was a very nice day.  I spent the afternoon with a good friend that I don't get to spend one on one time with very often.  I'm so thankful that she suggested setting aside time to visit because I always have good intentions but rarely follow through or take the time to plan things like this.  I wonder why.  Sometimes I feel guilty taking time to do things purely for my own enjoyment.  What if someone needs something or it interferes with what everyone else is doing?  Every once in a while it's ok to say that I have plans and they'll have to work around it, right?
Anyway, we had a very nice time and afternoon slipped into evening and we were still chatting and sharing.    We talked about our children, our lives, faith, friendship and hope.  It was lovely.  And I felt like I could be sure my name was safe in her mouth.