They seem so real and so final. Even though they, by their very nature are not always meant to be final. Just for a time. A holding pattern of separation until another change.
So raw. Empty. Sad.
Farewells, Goodbyes and Until We Meet Agains.
This month. This summer. Happy, sad and bittersweet.
This year. Changes. Lots of changes for our family. for friends...
New lifestyle, retirement, sickness, death, farewells, weddings and goodbyes, ...more sickness and death, until we meet agains.
Empty nest.
Afraid of the future.
I should be looking ahead with gladness... but this weight is holding me back.
I feel like my whole life has been in a holding pattern, devoting the whole of it to a cause, or two, or three, trying to do a good job raising my girls. They are both lovely, god fearing, and now one is going to be God serving...far away, taking my only beautiful granddaughter. Little Munchkin.
Will she remember me? Will those people on the screen or in the phone lose their reality for her? She's still small...less than two. Just beginning to talk in phrases and interact with us through her own spunky little personality that steals my heart from me. Making me laugh at her expressions and teasing me with little games and busy, busy, busy! Amazed at how much she understands and communicates. Wrapping me around her little finger...right where I want to be.
I will miss her. Her Gam-ma.
I am proud, I am happy for Goosie and her family to have this opportunity. But I am a mom...fearful and weak. I am not strong and sure. I have questions...the "what ifs" about this journey...this adventure for the Lord.
And Squirt working hard. Learning new lessons about life and marriage...as we all have. My baby is married now! Happy Day! She looked beautiful and so grown up...and yet, all I see...still, my fat, dimpled baby girl.
Just the two of us, now. A reality that we haven't experienced for 26 years. How will it go? After years of long work shifts, raising kids, homeschooling, and little time to share, we have ALL this time. So different. So overwhelming, some days.
But then our friends...no more time together this side of Glory. Taken by the ravages of cancer much too soon, One, a wife...the other a husband. Both loved so much by spouses and children, grandchildren...one on the way.
after long battles and faithful journeys...sacrifices.
Where is God in that? What if? Peace that passes understanding is the only thing we can hope for right now.
Separation from some of those we love, dearly love.
Holding on to the only constant thing and wondering if He will hold on to me.
I can't see the big picture the way He does...but how will I know things will be okay? What if they are not? It's not really a question of trust, is it?
I mean, I know He is all knowing...All Powerful...Always here with me and there with them. But even then, I can't see the big picture...I don't know if they will be okay...happy...gone a long time.
I can think of so many "what ifs..." and things that could happen to those I love...to me. And none of them are good. Why can't I imagine all the good things that could come to pass? Pity party? Yes.
Dreams of what I thought the future would look like are not the reality that is coming to pass...at least not for now. Grief in it's own way. Feeling too old to adjust. But I will. I have to...need to.
I'm wandering through the jumble of thoughts and feelings, rambling around inside. Pondering the future. Worried about my girls while I pray for both of them and their families. Thinking about how my role in their lives has changed, as it should.
But what now? Moving out of my comfort zone.
Holding on to the only constant thing and wondering if He will hold on to me.
Pondering My Meanderings...
Wanderer
So raw. Empty. Sad.
Farewells, Goodbyes and Until We Meet Agains.
This month. This summer. Happy, sad and bittersweet.
This year. Changes. Lots of changes for our family. for friends...
New lifestyle, retirement, sickness, death, farewells, weddings and goodbyes, ...more sickness and death, until we meet agains.
Empty nest.
Afraid of the future.
I should be looking ahead with gladness... but this weight is holding me back.
I feel like my whole life has been in a holding pattern, devoting the whole of it to a cause, or two, or three, trying to do a good job raising my girls. They are both lovely, god fearing, and now one is going to be God serving...far away, taking my only beautiful granddaughter. Little Munchkin.
Will she remember me? Will those people on the screen or in the phone lose their reality for her? She's still small...less than two. Just beginning to talk in phrases and interact with us through her own spunky little personality that steals my heart from me. Making me laugh at her expressions and teasing me with little games and busy, busy, busy! Amazed at how much she understands and communicates. Wrapping me around her little finger...right where I want to be.
I will miss her. Her Gam-ma.
I am proud, I am happy for Goosie and her family to have this opportunity. But I am a mom...fearful and weak. I am not strong and sure. I have questions...the "what ifs" about this journey...this adventure for the Lord.
And Squirt working hard. Learning new lessons about life and marriage...as we all have. My baby is married now! Happy Day! She looked beautiful and so grown up...and yet, all I see...still, my fat, dimpled baby girl.
Just the two of us, now. A reality that we haven't experienced for 26 years. How will it go? After years of long work shifts, raising kids, homeschooling, and little time to share, we have ALL this time. So different. So overwhelming, some days.
But then our friends...no more time together this side of Glory. Taken by the ravages of cancer much too soon, One, a wife...the other a husband. Both loved so much by spouses and children, grandchildren...one on the way.
after long battles and faithful journeys...sacrifices.
Where is God in that? What if? Peace that passes understanding is the only thing we can hope for right now.
Separation from some of those we love, dearly love.
Holding on to the only constant thing and wondering if He will hold on to me.
I can't see the big picture the way He does...but how will I know things will be okay? What if they are not? It's not really a question of trust, is it?
I mean, I know He is all knowing...All Powerful...Always here with me and there with them. But even then, I can't see the big picture...I don't know if they will be okay...happy...gone a long time.
I can think of so many "what ifs..." and things that could happen to those I love...to me. And none of them are good. Why can't I imagine all the good things that could come to pass? Pity party? Yes.
Dreams of what I thought the future would look like are not the reality that is coming to pass...at least not for now. Grief in it's own way. Feeling too old to adjust. But I will. I have to...need to.
I'm wandering through the jumble of thoughts and feelings, rambling around inside. Pondering the future. Worried about my girls while I pray for both of them and their families. Thinking about how my role in their lives has changed, as it should.
But what now? Moving out of my comfort zone.
Holding on to the only constant thing and wondering if He will hold on to me.
Pondering My Meanderings...
Wanderer
