Today is going to be a busy day and I guess that's a good thing because I might be tempted to dwell on the fact that my oldest returns to college tomorrow after being home for a month.  I sure will miss having her around.  She's heading back with mixed feelings.  Excitement and sadness.  I'm sure once she gets on the road she'll switch into college mode and be glad to see all her friends again.  Still, it's tough on mom.  If you read this today, please send off a quick prayer for travel safety.  She's riding back with another student and I worry about young people driving in bad weather.  This weekend there will be lots of them on the roads returning to school.

Another reason today is going to be busy is my youngest's 15th birthday.  I can't believe it's been that long.  Ahhhh...lots of memories.  I'm really glad the girls could be together today.  Birthday Dinner tonight and final packing.  Where has all the time gone?

A touch of flu last night and today perhaps accounting for the dramatic lows of yesterday.  Still feeling less than good but better.
Hormones can be wonderful or terrible things.  It's a little scary to realize that they can have such a profound effect on all aspects of a persons life.  And sometimes, there's nothing you can do about it...at least not immediately.  Still, I'm not crazy about being me.

Get this weight off my chest!

I feel like I have a huge weight on me today.  On days like this I hate being me.  I'd even go so far as to say that I wish I'd never been born.  And yes, this is all about me and a little on the depressing side but I need to get it off my chest.  Ranting a bit can be quite cleansing.  Call it whining if you like.
That's not to say that I wish I was dead or anything quite so dramatic...just tired of dealing with all the drama and hurt that seem to follow me like ants to a picnic.  Tired of trying so hard only to be put down and tired of feeling all alone and tired of feeling suffocated by my own inability or lack of courage to take control and make things happen so other things won't happen.  Tired of not being able to focus or remember.  Of feeling like a simpleton or that I'm always trying to win the popularity contest but never do.  Bitterness and even a little shortlived but reoccurring hatred.  I don't like that but today it's all pressing hard.
I've some goals for this year and I need courage to realize them.  But what seems to happen is that I end up missing things like pieces to the puzzle or things I need to accomplish other things like knowledge or means or...people. 
But on days like these, the thoughts of moving to a little cabin in the mountains sounds like a really good idea.  Away from all the stuff that hurts.  But I'm sure it would bring its own brand of pain.  There has to be a solace or a comfort that I'm not a terrible person doomed to a life of sorrow and regret.  There are so many things that I have to be thankful for and I am but today, the shadow of other things has created a veil between what I have and what I see.  It consumes me and pushes down until I feel like I'll never be happy again.  It's foolish to feel that way and I know I don't have to go it alone but sometimes I think I have this wall around me that gets stronger and stronger because someone is piling stones around the outside so I can't get out!  I hate being me!  I'm not looking for sympathy but maybe a prayer that I can wrap my head around all this stuff and triumph over it.  Or that I can turn around and face my demons and say with assurance and conviction, "Back off!" or "You have no power here!"  or  "Be gone! before a house falls on you, too!"  Again just ranting and raving to help clear out some of the nasties that haunt me on occasion like a plague that sits dormant until I'm weak and tired.  Then it strikes with a vengeance.  And today's the day.
Lord, can you reach down here and pull me out?  I can see you but you seem so far away!  The weight is almost too much...I feel short of breath.

Back in the groove

I love the holidays...I really do but it's nice to get back into a routine.  Back to the comfort of a plan...hah!  Seems like every time I make a plan for my day, it's out the window before breakfast!  So rather than set a plan in stone that will inevitably be scrapped therefore ruining my hopes of getting as many things done as I'd like, I'm trying to set up a basic framework that will be more flexible.  There are certain things that must be accomplished each day and then there are those things that I'd like to do but are not going to cause chaos if they aren't realized until a later time.

Two goals that I've set for myself this year are to be more organized in all areas and to spend more time with the Lord.  I'll share more about reaching those goals later.

We should be back to our homeschool schedule but the flu is still hanging on here.  So I'm using the time to catch up on things that were allowed to slide over the holidays.  The list is longer than I'd like. 

We only have two weeks of Goosie's break left and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.  There are a few things she'd like to make before returning to college so those are on the list too.  She'd rather make gifts for her friends than go out and spend money on something that may only last a short while.  Plus she is rather protective of her funds because of college expenses. 
It's really funny to see how different two siblings can be from each other.  My younger daughter likes to earn money and she likes to spend it!  But I do have to say that she isn't blowing it on silly things and is generous when it comes to church and family gifts. I cannot believe that she will be 15 in less than 2 weeks!  I have so many fond memories of her as a chubby little baby but she's not chubby now!  She's grown into a lovely young lady. 
There are a lot of similarities between the girls, too.  They've been asked a few times if they are twins!  The 14 yo thinks this is great and the 19 yo isn't so sure!  I think their thoughts on that will change as they get older.

*Sigh*  I'm just meandering this morning.

Well, there's a pile of things waiting for me to tackle them this morning so here I go!

A Brand New Year

Well, we're kicking off the new year with two very sick teens.  Been up most of the night since we brought in the new year together on the stroke of midnight with one already feeling miserable.  It hit the other one around 3:30AM.  The helpless feeling you have is really discouraging.

A time for review...this year has brought a lot of changes for our family.  Some good and some...well, not so good.  The biggest change was my oldest going to Virginia to college.  And of course it seemed very hard at first but she is doing very well and finished the semester with a 3.60 GPA.  There are lots of new friends in her life plus she and her roommate have become very close.  I'm so thankful for that because I know what a worry that was for her.  We got to see her perform on stage with an awesome group of students and staging capabilities in the new campus theater.  Beautiful costuming, too. 
Another change for me was the start of a new blog that focuses on herbal remedies, crafts and personal products, sustainable living, whole foods, gardening, crafting, and much more.  You can read it here at The Woodwife's Journal.

My youngest daughter, who is homeschooling, started high school this year. Still trying to wrap my head around that! It's been a little challenging because I was out of the house for 6 hours every day for the first 6 weeks. She was working on her studies and a few helpful chores while I was gone and we looked over her work when I came home but it was a big change for us. Things are a little closer to normal now and I'm looking for ways to supplement our income from home so we don't have to deal with that again.

I'm still struggling with a few health issues but I think I've a better handle on how to deal with them.  My Anemia seems to be improving a bit.

Due to the lack of sleep with the flu in house, I'll sign off for now and write more later.

Starting in the Middle of the Story

I blame myself...
If I had been more help to Gimbledorf things may not have gotten so far out of hand.  It all started when he began the autumn round up of the wild straws on the hill behind our little farm.  The bear had been causing a lot of destruction and the straws were afraid of being trampled.  You can't really blame them but if they weren't so nasty folks might be more inclined to help.  When Gimbledorf talked to Renard and his friends, they all agreed that the straws would be safer on the top of the hill where he could keep an eye on them. 
Of course they weren't thinking of the turkey.  If anything can scratch up the forest floor, it's a turkey.
The rain made walking harder for the straws and things were moving slowly.  Gimbledorf had sent word to his cousin, Nutledge, who lives on the next hill.  The idea was to bring the two herds together for the winter months.  That way they could keep the group a little tighter during the chaos of hunting season when the forest would be overrun with hunters for about 6 weeks.  Nutledge left his straws with his family until the roundup was over.  Since these straws are from the back woods, they were a little more unruly because they don't live in a populated area so they're not used to being near big people.
And that's when the trouble began.  The turkey, growing bold because of the bounty of autumn berries and seeds, moved in closer to Nutledges's home scaring the straws who were corralled there.  They began to panic and stampeded right through the fence into the grapevines where they scattered far and wide.  The family didn't know what to do.  The only ones at home were the younger dwarves and their mama.  Papa was out hunting.  So by the time anyone had figured out what to do, the straws were long gone.  Now if it had been Gimbledorf's herd, it might not have been so bad but as I mentioned, these straws were a little more on the wild side.
Most folks in the neighborhood aren't aware of the straws.  In fact, outside the world of faerie, there aren't many of us who know they exist.  Well, for that matter, there aren't many who know there are dwarves in the neighborhood either.  We may be the only family they've chosen to reveal themselves to, so far.  So you can imagine when the little teeth marks on their doors and the holes in their tomatoes started appearing over night, they thought they were being attacked by rodents. Dogs were posted near doors, traps were set and cats were put in the garden and worst of all...poison bait was put out.  The war had begun.
Now up to this point, the folks around here seemed to exist fairly well with all the critters in the forest. Except the marauding raccoons who've raided my chicken coop on more than one occasion.  That's where I draw the line but that's another story. 
Of course the straws steer clear of the chickens for obvious reasons.  Still, if left to their own devices, they can really stir up trouble in a normally peaceful neighborhood.  As a result of the big people's revenge on what they thought were the culprits, the animals who usually ignored the straws were on the rampage.  The only thing that kept the straws alive was the fact that they are so skinny and can hide behind anything.  Well, that and the animals respect for Gimbledorf.  He'd always tried to keep peace on our hill and in the valley beyond that are shared by the dwarves, the animals and the straws.