dull

Feeling rather dull at 1:30 AM as I sit here with too many thoughts and stories running around inside my mind but absolutely unable to put any of them into words.  I guess I'm feeling like I need to be so cautious about the words I write and the way I use them that I feel guilty using any at all.  Blah!

Guess I'll go read some Austen.  I do so enjoy the way she uses words...ways I can easily understand and yet feel so "grown-up" when I read them because people don't talk that way any more.

Goosie is safely back at school and probably in the C-lab taking a bio test or was before midnight.  More computer problems and no funds to purchase another at this time.  Damn.  Arrrrrrr!

That was fast!!!!!

Goosie is on her way back to school after spending a week here at home with us.  It was so much fun having her here and I can't believe it over!!!  But on the up side, she is in her first college play and we'll be going to see her, and then shortly, bringing her home for a long break, between semesters, over the holidays and beyond.

It's almost the same but not quite.  And I know it's true for everyone and only to be expected but once they've been on their own at college, they've officially become grown-up to a point.  Used to answering to no one, living in a schedule that centers on their world with hours that make me tired just thinking about it.  Not that it's a problem...just different.  So, it's a little strange coming back home where not much has changed and you find all the things you've missed but you've left part of yourself in that new world where life is so much faster.

Anyway, I'm feeling like such a bad mom because I just realized that we didn't take one picture while she was here...not one!  It was just a laid back time with little excitement and time just spent being together.

This week is the opening of It's A Wonderful Life! here in town and my youngest daughter will be playing in that one so we'll shuffle in a trip to see Goosie.  Plenty to do in the next few weeks and then the holidays will be upon us and gone. 

Now, let's think about those Christmas decorations!!!!

On the road

My second daughter and I are driving to Va to pick up Goosie from college for the week.  Can't wait to see her!  Please pray for safety travelling down and back.
Hopefully we'll be able to get her computer fixed and she won't have to spend so much time at the C-lab.  Let's pray that it won't cost an arm and a leg to get the parts and have the work done.

I'd just like to take a minute to say that it is so refreshing to meet a young man who knows what it means to be a gentleman and does so effortlessly.  Knows how to behave with a young lady, courteous, friendly, godly, nice, polite, funny, sweet, handsome and huge (6'3").

Times and Bible boxes

My, how time flies!  It's hard to believe it's nearly Thanksgiving already.  This year has been full of change but I won't wax nostalgic...yet.

We've seen prayers answered in ways that we'd hoped for...asked for...and some in ways we never imagined...others we realized weren't meant to be at this time.  Some doors have closed and others have opened; some are just now beginning to unlock.  There are lots of things that fill our days with laughter and sorrow, peace and anxiety, understanding and wonder.  The worst parts are the misunderstandings, the needless, wordy, jumping to conclusions or the outright hurtful things we can't understand.  It's part of living in a fallen world and even if we try to be set apart, we still struggle to rise above it because there's little to separate us from everyone else except for accepting grace.

In a round about way, I was accused of being narrow-minded the other day, and teaching my kids to live in a "bible box" because they've been raised in a Christian home.  Hey, we have our problems same as anyone else and we don't always handle them in ways that are leaning on God or even glorifying Him.  They've seen some of the ugliness of the outside world first hand.  The argument was that there's no way a child of 13 or 14 could possibly know enough about anything to believe in one thing over another.  That there is a God or that He actually interacts with us or is benevolent on our behalf.  It's a little, well, a lot, cliché but there's an old country *eek!* song that says, "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."  It doesn't stand to reason that we are required to guide and teach our kids about every other aspect of life but we are to leave them on their own to sort through all the different beliefs out there.  If we are to shepherd them in anything, it should be faith.

I often wonder what causes a nonbeliever to hold to the same values of moral behavior for their kids as those who base their lives on the Bible.  It's one of those perplexing questions that keep me awake, pondering.  As far as knowing for sure if there's a God or not, I think He's shown himself time and again by various means, but folks are so worried that they are going to be misled or closed minded that they actually become closed minded.  They block out any proof or comfort or pardon the pun...heaven forbid...any faith that might put them in a position where they have to apologise for what they stand for.  So who is really sticking their head in the sand?  Those who are open to every thing that the world says for fear they might be vulnerable or those who are open to putting their faith in something. 

Supernatural phenomenon are prominent in our culture today as far as the entertainment field goes and folks are all wrapped up in different worlds and powers.  Let me ask you...what is more supernatural than God? 

This may be a bit jumbled but for now, that's all I have to write.

I feel old...

Ya know, I'm beginning to feel old! As I've written here before, my oldest, after working hard for a year and trying to be frugal with her money, started college about 6-7 hours away.  I miss her a lot and with the problems she's been having with her computer and her phone, communications have been pretty limited.  It stinks!

My youngest daughter is still at home.  We're homeschooling and having fun.  She's in 9th grade this year.  Part of our homeschool curriculum is a worldview course.  I have a little more time to spend with her on this than I did with my older child but not much.  The things we're talking about raise some very interesting ideas and questions.  And you know me and my questions! 
In the book How To Read Slowly by James W. Sire  the author gives a set of guidelines for the Christian to use when reading other works to help them comprehend the meaning of the text and glean how the author views the world based on the things they write.  After the basic steps that you'd probably find in any book about comprehending what you read, including that there's no place for speed reading in reading world-viewishly (his word), the author gives a few more specific points. These questions are asked in the light of the worldview you hold but it's not about what you, the reader believe; these questions are about the author and why he or she wrote what they did.  Every piece of writing won't lend itself to answer every question on the list but it's a good guideline to form a picture of the author's own worldview.
Here's a basic list of questions to ask about the author;

What is their view of prime reality?
What do they consider to be the nature of the universe?
What does the author believe to be the nature of humanity?
What do they believe happens to a human being at death?
What do they consider to be the basis of morality?
In their opinion, what is the meaning of history?

You can learn a lot about where an author is coming from based on the answers to these questions.  Even Christian authors, whether writing to instruct, entertain or record information, leave clues or offer key things about their heart values that flow through the words they write.  Hmmm....I think we've talked about this before.  Words, words, words...it's so important how we use them.

Back to the reason I'm feeling old...my little girl (nearly 15 and taller than me) has always been my biggest tomboy. She's tougher than some of the boys she knows and loves doing more "guy" things than most girls her age.  She's always balked at the girls section in the Vision Forum catalog with it's ruffly dolls and hair ribbons preferring to shop from the boys section where all the action/adventure stuff was shown.  Swords, bow and arrows, spy equipment; all good things and better than silly little tea sets to her mind.  The Taylor Swift song that compares a girl in t-shirts and sneakers with another in short skirts and high heels is a perfect description of her and her best friend.  Or it was.  Before my eyes, I've seen this cute, tomboy go through a bit of an ongoing transformation toward a lovely young woman.  I never thought I'd see the day.  Now, I'm sure there are parts of her that will always favor the more adventurous, tomboyish stuff because she's too much like me to give it up completely but it's certainly been curious to watch what's happening.

She's cute with snappy dark eyes, big dimples and lots of thick, dark hair.  She's never been interested in cute clothes or hairstyles much less makeup or heels, preferring to wear torn jeans and t-shirts with her favorite dirty sneakers.  But all that is changing!  This year has been a year of changes for her.  First preparing herself for her sister to go off to college.  They are really close.  Then adjusting to a new reality.  We started a new schedule at our house where I was gone from the home about 5 hours every week day morning.  It was a big adjustment for both of us but she was a trooper and picked up some slack around the house and completed as much school work as she could without me.  When I got home we'd  finish it together.  Then came soccer after school.  As a homeschooler trying to fit in to a group of kids who go to school together everyday, it's a little rough at times even if they are some of your friends.  Then there's theater...her home away from home.  This Christmas they're playing "It's A Wonderful Life" by Frank Capra.  She's a little too young to play Mary or Violet so they're making her into an older townswoman who has a speaking part in one of the scenes and is in a lot  of the others.
 
I've noticed over the past few weeks that her interest in looking nice and fixing her hair (which usually just falls into place without any effort anyway) and a little makeup have been higher up on her list of to do's before going out.  Hmmm...I wonder if a certain young man may be the reason for all this?  Hahahaaaa!  So, yeah!  I feel old!

It's been awhile since I've written here.  I'm trying to get things up and running over at The Woodwife's Journal.  So far it's going very well.  There are just a few things that need to be added or tweaked.  I've set some goals and I'm working to make them reality.  There's so much to learn.  HTML - yikes!  If you haven't had a chance to take a look, why not check it out.  It might not be for everyone but I'm also open to suggestions.  It's taking on the original purpose of this blog which was to share the little I know about herbal remedies, recipes, gardening and a whole lot more.  But it doesn't reflect any of the personal stuff - heart and mind issues - that I write about here.  I'm trying to keep it on a more focused path.  It's kept me more focused on other things too but the old meandering queries are still there...just pushed aside for a time.

It's been a struggle and it's still an uphill climb.  It's gonna be for a while.  Rather discouraging but I'm trying to have a positive outlook...put my best face forward...persevere...yeah.  It's going to be OK.

The battle to regain my strength still needs a few reinforcements to get the job done.  As I try to reorganize things so I can keep my head above water, I feel a peace that I fail to understand and yet I know where it's coming from.  Part of the battle is resting there and not running off on a crazy tangent that saps my energy and doesn't help me reach my goals.  So, yeah...that's where I find myself right now.

A tweaking of my world view

As I mentioned earlier, I'm working through a worldview course with my 9th grade homeschooled daughter.  As we were reading together today a thought/picture popped into my head and it's been flittering (my word)around my brain trying to form in to a complete idea that I could share.  It involves a bit of tweaking to my present world view because even though I've always thought of God as the center of my life, I've never really pictured it this way.  Here's a rough idea of what I saw.

As we look at the whole scheme of existence, we often look at the earth as the center of the universe or of creation.  Perhaps our view of life, and/or how we live it, would change dramatically if we looked at all of creation with heaven at the center of things.  Imagine God at the center of a sphere with his all seeing eye and all knowing (omniscient) mind able to view what's going on around Him at the same time (omnipresent).  Almost like time standing still at the very center and moving on as usual on the sphere where we live and maybe in retrospect at layers closer to the center that represent times past...HIStory.  Then as the sphere expands beyond our level, and grows bigger, there is anticipation with the foreknowledge of what's to come as His view can fathom the depths of eternity.

As HIStory progresses, and HIS plan becomes reality, instead of thinking of heaven as "somewhere, out there" in the vast expanses of space (which can be very intimidating) it's at the core of all that there is.  Some levels or eras are a bit brighter than others, such as the years when Christ lived on earth.  And as Christians pass and their souls become absent from the body and present with the Lord, the strength of the core of Heaven surrounding God is strengthened.  Eventually as the timeline for our (man's) earthly existence begins to wind down, that core is preparing for an expansion that will rock the universe.

Whew!  I don't think that's the whole thing but it's a big start.

Bear and stuff

It's one of those days when I probably shouldn't be writing here but I have this stuff running around in my head and it needs an outlet.

I have one of those headaches that goes in a cirlce right around my head just above my ears and feels like the entire top is going to pop right off.  Where's my peppermint oil?
I think it has to do with a couple of things.  Stress and worry for one, and some health issues I've been dealing with for another.  I should start a page just to deal with that.  I could record my entire battle over the past 6 years.  But I'm not sure it would be something anyone would like to read about. Wow! Am I ramdom today? 

When we came home last night about 8:15PM, we let the dog out and soon she was barking like something was wrong.  I thought it was deer since we've been seeing them right outside the back door for the last week or two.  So my daughter and I looked out the door but all we could see was a dark spot just inside the wood line beside the tree house.  A BIG dark spot. And the dog was barking right at it.  Thankfully she has a radio collar that stopped her from going closer!  We grabbed the flashlight and I stepped outside the door so I could see past the screen...the dark spot stood up...it was a HUGE bear!!!!  I've smelled that pungent aroma in the woods before but wasn't sure what it was.  Wow!  Exciting!  He just turned to look at me and lumbered up the hill for a short distance and stopped again.  The dog came back into the house but kept looking at the door so we opened it again.  We couldn't see the bear but we could hear him rummaging around in the leaves just beyond the reach of our light.

If you're reading this, I have a very specific need that I've put before the Lord.  I would really covet your prayers as Friday is the day and I'm a little nervous.  It's one of those things where He gives you peace and you feel alright for a while but when it starts to get down to the wire, the old anxiety begins to creep back into your heart and mind.  But He is good to me and I know something will happen and it will be ok and if it's not, He'll still be right here.

I can't seem to pin down the rest of what's meandering through my mind so I guess I'll ponder on that for a while and see if I can't figure out just exactly what it is and what needs to be done.  Sometimes the words just seem to flow but today I'm grasping at straws.

And for those who are following, Gimbledorf has herded the wild straws deeper into the forest as the cold temps advance.  They have a little hollow over the next hill where they set up camp for the winter.  Removing them from civilization calms them down a bit and reduces the amount of theavery and pillaging they do even though most folks probably don't know they're around.  It's kind of sad to see Alexander go but I'm sure we'll catch up with him in hunting season and he will fill us in on what's happening.  I suspect that when he's out there he meets up with some of his family and friends who are more timid and afraid to be seen by "big people."

Hmm...maybe I have some material here to spur me on to chapter 3 in Gweneth's story.

Ok, I'm stopping now....